Just Feel Better
by shuikochan
Summary: Songfic: Hitsugaya's attempts at recovering the now introvert Hinamori. Set 2 years after the death of Aizen Sousuke and co. HitsuHina, workplace friendly. May be a bit OOC, contains an OC too.


**Song Fic: Just Feel Better (HitsuHina)**

**Author:** Ariane

**Title:** Just Feel Better (Songfic)

**Summary**: Hitsugaya's attempts at recovering the now introvert Hinamori. Set 2 years after the death of Aizen Sousuke and co. HitsuHina, workplace friendly. May be a bit OOC, contains an OC too.

**Spoilers: **None - if you have already completed the Soul Society Arc. And as long as you know Hitsugaya, hinamori and their gang of fellow death gods, you're safe.

**Notes:** I loved this song by Santana and Steven Tyler…I swear, the lyrics were beckoning me to write this fic. So I could do nothing else. Enjoy.

Jyuu ban tai taichou – Japanese for 10th squad captain

_She said I feel stranded  
And I can't tell anymore  
If we coming or I'm going  
It's not how I planned it  
I've got a key to the door  
But it just won't open  
_

**:2 years after the death of Aizen Sousuke and his underlings:**

Due to the massive load of work that the captains and their lieutenants faced - even after the Aizen Sousuke case had long been dealt with, it was rather commonplace to see some of them acting rather harsh at times. It would be safe to say that the rebellion certainly did have a great impact on themselves (and on the other shinigami too), even after 2 whole years. Soi Fong had been seen keeping her division's members' noses to the grindstone and also giving hardcore training to the Correction Corps "just in case something worse than Aizen's rebellion happens in Soul Society". Komamura was seen taking breaks from paperwork and training off and on just to recollect his thoughts and concentration before continuing his work – not surprising, since his one and only best friend Tousen had been sentenced to death along with "that stupid corrupt Sousuke". Rangiku, though, seemed as bubbly as ever. You could say that she was like the glue – or she tried to be the one that held the captains and lieutenants together, even though inside, she still felt some hurt for Gin, her childhood friend, was gone. But well, if she did feel sorrow for that, you couldn't tell at all.

Although these scenarios might seem bad enough, the one who had it hard was none other than the 5th division lieutenant-turned-captain - Hinamori Momo. Being in her shoes would be enough to cause eternal heartbreak that could never be healed.

_  
And I know, I know, I know  
Part of me says let it go  
That life happens for a reason  
I don't, I don't, I don't  
It goes I never went before  
But this time, this time  
I'm gonna try anything to just feel better  
_

Her Aizen-taichou, after all, was her sole form of motivation and the main reason she was in the Gotei 13 – and a vice captain. Even after recovering physically from the stab that Aizen had dealt her, she still had the look of a weak one on her face. She had been emotionally broken by her ex-captain's betrayal – realizing it was true, that her captain was a traitor something hard and painful. You couldn't blame her, though – how would you feel if your sole form of motivation was an illusion all along? Her admiration and respect for him had all been destroyed.

Hinamori had sought solace by throwing herself completely into work to block out the pain of betrayal, even though there were some shinigami who suggested that she take a break to recover from the turn of events. Surprisingly, even under all that hurt, she performed excellently – and was even promoted to becoming captain of the 5th squad. Some skeptical shinigami had reckoned that she would turn down the position "because no one could replace her beloved Aizen", so they said. But Hinamori took the job, and against all the assumptions against her, she performed really well too – even till the point where her squad was only given the hardest missions ever, and of course, her squad had completed them well under her guidance.

All the shinigami assumed that she had gotten over the heartbreak of Aizen's betrayal. Or so they thought.

There was someone who knew what was going on with the raven-haired captain, even under that hardworking self of hers.

_Tell me what to do  
You know I can't see through the haze around me  
And I do anything to just feel better  
_

Hitsugaya Toushiro had noticed that even though his childhood friend had been giving "peak" performance, there was something about her that could cause the tension in the air to be as thick as peanut butter at times. She had changed. She never smiled, let alone laughed much now. She had also shut herself out from social functions that were held for the people of Gotei 13, the most recent being an invitation to dinner together with all the other captains and lieutenants from the crazy Shunsui. While the kind Ukitake had gently asked her the reason for declining, Hinamori had just given a "nothing-at-all" wave and rushed back to do "paperwork, stacks of paperwork. Sorry, Ukitake-taichou." Through the haze of "the diligent taichou of the 5th squad", Hitsugaya had seen a lot more.

His thoughts drifted back to a familiar, ever-repeating scene two years back.

"_You're Aizen Sousuke's…murderer!"_

Though in his heart, he had long forgiven Hinamori for that even before he knew Aizen's true intentions, he wondered if she had forgiven herself for that night...He had also noticed that Hinamori almost always never looked at him when he spoke, never smiled, and always had a sorrowful aura about her. Was it because she wouldn't let go of what she had done?

Hitsugaya then made up his mind to be the one to bring back the old Hinamori, the sweet girl he once knew from his Rukongai days. Getting up from his chair, he headed towards the training grounds where the fifth squad was.

_And I can't find my way  
Girl I need a change  
And I do anything to just feel better  
Any little thing that just feel better  
_

**:A week on:**

"Hinamori-taichou!"

"What is it, Keirii-chan?" Hinamori got up from her desk to attend to the young female shinigami who had just come through her office door.

"Taichou, one of your colleagues has requested me to ask you if you were free this evening."

"Who was that?"

"Oh…" Keirii's words seemed to fail her. "I couldn't tell whether it was a captain or not, but I could hear that it was a guy's voice. He asked that if you were free, do meet him at the tree by the lake at 9pm. And if you aren't free…well, he said he'll find out, so you don't need to think too much about him not knowing. And…er, he says this isn't a formal meeting."

Hinamori felt a pang of uncertainty hit her. Who would ask her out to a meeting without revealing himself? What worried her most, though, was this - why the sneakiness? Sure, when captains communicated or did anything, most of it was a matter of "behind the scenes" communication. But an informal meeting with a mystery man? What now?

"Oi, taichou. You'd better give me an answer…who knows, I might see him again. He did say that he would see me sooner or later for your reply. Don't worry, it'll be between the two of us." Keirii prodded the dazed Hinamori.

Something in Hinamori's intuition told her that there was nothing to be worried about. _Baka Momo, why the paranoia? No one would use your squad members in a ploy to harm you. Besides, you're a captain already, silly. You can take care of yourself now, ne?_

"Tell him I'll be there. He means the lake at the East of the Court of Pure Souls, right?"

**:A few hours later:**

"So what did she say?"

"Oh, she'll show up all right. Is there anything else you need me to do?"

"No, I'll take it from here. Thanks anyways."

The female shinigami got up from her guest chair and turned towards the door.

"_Jyuu ban tai_ taichou-san…are you sure this'll work? I'm hoping we can bring back some of the bubbliness in Momo-chan through this…you know very well she hates socializing a lot now, so whatever you do, don't mess up this meeting, onegai!"

"Relax, Keirii. It'll go well; after all, I know Momo. Thanks for your help though; I don't know who else I would go to."

"No problem." Keirii winked at the white-haired shinigami before leaving, hair flapping behind her.

_  
She said I need you to hold me  
I'm a little far from the shore  
And I'm afraid of sinking  
You're the only one who knows me  
And who doesn't ignore  
That my soul is weeping  
_

The cool winter air blew lightly on her face, but it was enough to make her shiver for some reason. Hinamori cringed at the cold and clutched on tighter to her white haori. Seated comfortably under the sakura tree, she sighed. _About time he showed up…whoever he is._

"You look bored."

The familiarity in the voice took Hinamori by surprise. She turned to see a particularly young white-haired shinigami eyeing her with such intensity in his eyes.

"H-Hitsugaya taichou?"

Hitsugaya sighed, taking a few steps towards the raven haired woman. "Apparently you seem to have forgotten how to lighten up. You never do call me Shiro-chan nowadays…why? Are you okay?"

"Stop this please, Hitsugaya taichou. I'm not comfortable talking about this right now. Besides, I'm supposed to meet someone now."

"So he's more important right now?"

"Well, yeah…it could be urgent."

A small smirk slid over the young shinigami's face. "Ah, there's the familiar, outgoing Hinamori we all know coming back. And we all thought she was going to decline every single social invitation for the rest of her life. Y'know, turning yourself into a social outcast ain't good."

"Shiro no baka, who said I was shying away from everyone in Soul Society? Anyways, you really should leave."

Hitsugaya seemed to have lost his patience at Hinamori's dense behaviour, but he kept his cool. "Baka Momo, who do you think invited you out?"

A look of shock crossed her face, then anger as realization dawned upon her. "Y-You…"

"Yeah, me. Wasn't sure it would work, but I'm glad it did."

Hinamori stood up to leave, trying to run from the fact that she had been "tricked" into turning up at this spot for no real meeting whatsoever.

Sighing deeply, Hitsugaya muttered something. Soon enough, it started snowing. Hinamori stopped running, slightly cursing herself for the fact that she always fell for his lovely snow scenes. It was then when Hitsugaya suddenly appeared right behind her, grasped her shoulders, and turned her over to face him.

"You should stop running away from everyone, Momo…We've all been concerned about you, wondering where you really were. I'm sure no one has made any effort to find out why, although Shunsui and Ukitake did try to by inviting you to dinner. It seems that you've turned that down too. But I'm not letting you go anytime soon."

Hinamori trembled at his use of her first name. It seemed that Hitsugaya was trying to get something out of her, and wouldn't stop till he did. Yet she felt willing to open up to him, as if he weren't probing her for answers – he was someone she could trust even with her life. She wondered why…

_  
I know, I know, I know  
Part of me says let it go  
Everything must have it seasons  
Round and round it goes  
And every day's the one before  
But this time, this time  
I'm gonna try anything that just feels better  
_

"Say something, baka Momo."

She couldn't. It was as if Hitsugaya had just used Hyourinmaru on her and froze her. But after some time…she gave up and said, "What do you want to know?"

"Like I said, we all wondered where you had gone to. You used to be so bubbly, even as vice captain of the 5th squad. Now you've become so introverted…as if everyone around you was someone who would harm you and take advantage of you if you were nice to them. Tell me, why is that so?"

Hinamori bit her trembling lip. _How on earth do I answer him…_

"Is it captain work getting to you? Stress because you feel that you don't live up to others' expectations? Or you think that keeping yourself away from others would be better than them seeing that other soft, non-strict side of you?"

Hinamori just stayed silent.

"Or is it…_him_?"

At this point Hinamori could no longer stand it. She broke down and sobbed uncontrollably, slumping down to the ground near the tree. Hitsugaya let out a sigh before going over to her, wrapping his left arm around her and pulling her closer to him. He felt Hinamori's heavy sobbing, and rubbed his hand up and down her arm to soothe her.

"Cry all you want. I'm not going to run away."

After what seemed like eternity, the 5th division captain slowly looked up at that pair of emerald eyes which were staring into her brown ones before leaning back into him.

"Better, Momo?"

"Yeah." She took hold of his free right arm and held it to her, never letting go of it.

"So, care to give an explanation for your odd behaviour?"

She sighed before drawing herself to speak. "Trust hurts, betrayal kills, Shiro-chan. I trusted Aizen-taichou-"

"Call him Aizen. He's not worthy of the taichou rank."

"-I mean, I trusted Aizen and looked up to him. He was my ideal. I wanted to be like him – soft, caring, kind, the perfect-" she coughed "-shinigami captain. I wanted to serve someone like him so badly…He was like a great father to me when I was in his squad."

"I opened up myself to him. My soul, my heart…my everything. And then…he betrayed us all. It pained me to realize that my trust was easily flung aside as if it were nothing to him. I lost all respect for him…"

"And then there came the paranoia that I would be betrayed by someone else next. So I thought that I would be better off sealing my emotions than opening myself up to others, just in case they would be toyed around with someone next. It got to the point even where I couldn't even open up to Matsumoto, Kira, Renji – my best friends…because I was worried those close to me would turn their back on me so suddenly like Aizen did. Aizen really was close to me so I couldn't stand anything similar happening. The heartbreak and rollercoaster ride of emotions was too much, and recovering from this incident was hard enough. I didn't want another."

Tears started falling down her face again. "Yet, Shiro-chan, tell me…why am I telling you all this now? I swore to myself to not let anyone get to me, to not trust anyone with my emotions. Still, I can't stand not letting you know my sorrow within…" The water welled up in her eyes.

_Tell me what to do  
You know I can't see through the haze around me  
And I do anything to just feel better_

_And I can't find my way  
God I need a change  
And I do anything to just feel better  
Any little thing that just feel better  
_

Relieved that he finally found the reason behind all this melodrama (as Shunsui called it), Hitsugaya contemplated for a bit before talking to his friend.

"I understand what it feels like to trust and have it cast aside. Believe me, that is one of the worst things anyone could have gone through. However, Momo, you must know that it's time for you to move on. It doesn't mean that just because one person betrays you, everyone else will."

"And know that you're not alone, Momo," Hitsugaya continued. "Komamura had it hard too because Tousen had betrayed him, and as you know, Tousen was his first friend who didn't judge him because Komamura had the head of a fox. Still, I've never seen him stressed out so much over this hurt that he had to decline every single get-together. In fact, he's still cheery and knows how to have a good laugh every now and then."

"Rangiku, too, would've broken down because Ichimaru was the first one to befriend her back in her Rukongai days. Had it not been for him, she would've died of hunger. She too cared for him…but well, after Aizen and co. were dealt with, you saw her efforts to keep everyone's mood up. She sometimes feels down, but not to the extent of throwing herself into work to soothe the pain."

Hinamori gulped.

"You also experienced heartbreak like all of them did. However, your method of dealing with it seems to be very…unhealthy, may I say? If you don't stop now, you're bound for insanity sooner or later."

All Hinamori could do was just look dazed. "But how can I be sure that it's okay to trust? I don't want to trust too much."

"You needn't trust every stranger you meet here at Soul Society. Start off with opening yourself to your friends. Renji, Kira, Matsumoto – they're dying for you to have a good chat with them again. Your subordinates want you to smile again…it pains them to see you down, and it ruins their work mood. Your colleagues – Shunsui, Ukitake, Nanao, Yachiru and all the others want your cheerful self back with them. But most of all…I want you back to enjoy your life. You've still got a long way to go, and spending it away from us isn't a good thing to do."

Letting go of Hitsugaya's arm and hugging her knees, Hinamori mused, "And what if I fall from betrayal?"

"I'll be there…" He tucked Hinamori further into his embrace, while Hinamori clutched at his haori. "I swore to Hyourinmaru that I wanted to protect you no matter what. Be it you being hurt physically or emotionally…I'll never let that happen. But you have got to promise me that you won't leave me again. Onegai?"

She smiled. "Yes, Shiro-chan."

He patted her hair. "Now that's a lot better. Come, let's go. I'll walk you back."

"Er, Shiro-chan?"

"Yeah?"

"Arigatou…I really owe you one."

He smiled. "Keirii also deserves some credit. She was concerned about our meeting, but she went ahead with the plans anyway. Don't forget to show some appreciation to her when you see her tomorrow. Now come along now, it's getting late." With that, the pair disappeared in the silence of the night.

__

Long to hold you in my arms  
To all things I ought to leave behind, yeah  
It's really getting old  
I think I need a little help this time!

**:Several months on:**

"Hihihihihi-Hinamori-chan!"

Hinamori turned to smile at the bubbly pinked-haired Yachiru who had leapt into the 5th division office.

"You have a visitor…or should I say DA-"

"Thank you, Yachiru. You may leave…" Hinamori then got up and walked Yachiru to the door.

She smiled at the visitor. "What now, Hitsugaya-kun?"

The white-haired genius just looked at her with his famous shifty-eyed look. "I like to see how you shoo Yachiru out of your office. It's always you cutting across her words and showing her the door. Is she that annoying?"

"Shiro no baka. I just don't like her mentioning the fact that we're –cough- going out?" She blushed there and then.

Hitsugaya smirked. "Not like I want the whole world to know, but don't be shy. Just laugh it off. So, well – do you still have a lot of paperwork left?"

"A few stacks…I think around 500 reports due by lunch." She yawned. "Paperwork is freaking annoying."

Hitsugaya moved over to her desk and picked up the paperwork. "Take this afternoon off for a bit. I want you to relax because I'm taking you out somewhere for lunch."

"Wh-where?"

"Details are with Keirii. She'll tell you when and where I'll meet up with you." He winked and left.

Hinamori smiled. Life was so much better with Hitsugaya around with her. She turned to her desk and sipped her tea, musing to herself.

_I'm gonna try anything to just feel better  
Tell me what to do  
You know I can't see through the haze around me  
And I do anything to just feel better  
And I can't find my way  
God I need a change  
And I do anything to just feel better  
Any little thing that just feel better_

**:Owari:**

I know, pathetic attempt at a first fic. It's freaking long, and I think the song verses might not have fit in well. But still…I hope you enjoy it. Might be a bit OOC, but whatever. R&R, onegai!


End file.
